Posts tagged ‘Tremor’

April 26, 2011

Party hard

by Living with RSD: what comes next?

We had two parties this weekend. One for a 50th wedding anniversary and the other an Easter party. I knew ahead of time that this would drain my energy, but it still comes as a shock to me. It was the first time that both of my families saw me since my last surgery. Massive storm fronts brought some much needed rain to the area and also brought my hand tremors back. I have a difficult time eating and using utensils. Naturally, both parties were buffet style. I managed to get away without spilling, but not without many stares.

I say all of this not for pity or because I feel bad about myself. The tremors don’t really bother me. I’ve figured out ways to manage with them. The stares are what I find difficult. They remind me that I should feel sorry for myself. That what I’m going through isn’t normal. It reminds me of the loss that I feel. I wish that I could say that I’ve resolved those feelings, but I haven’t.

I have a beautiful pair of Calvin Klein sandals with a heel that I bought in January after my second implant. I’m still working in PT to get in those heels. I really wanted to wear them this weekend. The loss that I feel/felt isn’t so much about the tremors. It’s more that I couldn’t get in those heels. I’m beginning to wonder if I ever will.

To go full circle, I wish that people wouldn’t stare. I wish that they would ask how I feel and what they could do to help. There is nothing that they could do. But , sometimes it’s nice knowing that they would be there to lend an ear if I needed it.

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