Posts tagged ‘pain management’

July 17, 2011

90 days later….and now what?

by Living with RSD: what comes next?

About 90 days ago, I received a challenge to set a goal and work towards it. So where am I now?

I had set out to heal my soul and to focus on the recovery of the parts of me that doctors can’t heal. To find my passion and to figure out the rest of my recovery from surgery….to heal my soul.

Now, I knew that 90 days wouldn’t do it, but I thought that I could get a great start. When I began that journey, I anticipated being done with physical therapy. I wanted to explore other options for recovery. But, my body wasn’t ready for that. More physical therapy, more doctors. I thought that I could start the concept of a body budget. Focus on letting the positive energy flow through me and to get rid of the toxins that hold me back. Sounded like a great plan.

Some time into it, I realized this. The positive energy doesn’t come from exercise, sleep or even eating the right foods. Again, it flows through the soul.

My heart needed to heal. It still needs to heal. I’ve taken great strides forwards to eliminating the toxic energies that were pushing me down, but I still have some work to do.

Now, I sit at the end of my second round of physical therapy. My ankle seems to be holding steady in place and I haven’t fallen into any random strangers lately with the exception of a few close calls today. Much of my control of my body has changed. I can’t do what I used to. I am not okay with that yet, but I am closer to fine.

I realized too that I am both the master of my soul and the very one that puts it in a prison. I have allowed myself to stand in the way of my own happiness. I am making better choices to focus on positive energy everyday, but it’s hard.

I’ve also tried clipping coupons to control my budget. To date, I’ve only saved a out $20 not too great. But, I did score some great samples of post it’s, free paint, a free Bluetooth and some yummy coffee. Can’t be too sad about that.

I don’t know how you measure success. For me, it’s going to be wearing those beautiful Calvin Klein heels and getting to wear some great fall boots. I did score one pair of shoes in all of this. My Brooks running shoes with a stability sole built into it. I suppose that I needed new soles to heal my soul. My 90 day challenge has really turned out to be how to wear the same tennis shoes.

July 14, 2011

Going back to school

by Living with RSD: what comes next?

I had the chance to spend a lot of time over the weekend with school-based personnel. I used to work in the schools myself. I sat in sessions, in the speakers classrooms, and listened to the latest and greatest in my field of work. The enthusiasm of the professional Learners got me to thinking that may be going back to school and learning something new isn’t such a bad thing. Unfamiliar, yes, but not bad. So, may be learning or re-learning how to manage my pain around the weather fronts and what shirt can hide my atrophy in my wrist doesn’t have to be construed as a bad thing.

So, I was all geared up about this whole notion of going back to school, or re-learning, with the speciality of RSD. But then Zumba happened.

I love Zumba. I went to my first class, but accident. It was the first class after my first surgery going back to the gym too soon. I have been doing it ever since and consider it my therapy, both physical and mental. I have been fighting hard to get back my stamina. But there is a group of grown women, I’ll call them the Zumba mafia, that reminded me what I hated about school. You see, the Zumba mafia has to stand in the front row. They are loud. They move together. They are disrespectful to the class. And the largest insult that I can give them, they interfere with other people’s workouts. Saying all of that, I actually do really enjoy them individually. Collectively, they are no different than any other queen bee and wannabe group that you see in school. I did always hate that. So, in the school of RSD, there are still those people that keep you down. I know that it’s a stretch, but humor me. As many insults as I’ve thrown, I think my real problem with them is that I envy them. They get to take it all for granted. I need to be worried about if I’m going to fall again because I can’t feel my feet. I know they have their own set of worries, but it’s still difficult for me. I suppose the moral of the story is that going back to school isn’t all about books and learning about RSD and the pain management of that, but it’s the pain management of the Queen Bees and how I handle my emotions.

I handle it the same way that I did in high school. Kill em with kindness. They are my Facebook friends. And I never let them see me hurt.

July 12, 2011

An oasis

by Living with RSD: what comes next?

I just finished dropping off my 9 year old at camp. It is a camp set back, in the woods, where they walk through the woods, feed the animals, and get inspiration to do art. Paints, watercolors, clay, paper mâché….it doesn’t matter. They go where the inspiration takes them. It’s her oasis. I couldn’t have invented a better camp for her.

So, this got me to thinking about my oasis. How would I describe the perfect place for me? And has this perfect place changed over the years…I wish that I had the answers. I think that I know what my oasis is not. It’s not a place with chaos. There is order and reason around me. Things make sense to me. I don’t have to guess what people mean or what they are doing. I am not around people who are harming me, either intentionally or non-intentionally. I am not tired. There is a wealth of energy and freedom to do what I want.

It’s not surprising to me that my vision is defined by emotions and emotional support and not things. I can’t define the things, but only the emotions that I feel. In the past, I’ve had many pains and many service providers. Even now, I see a team of specialists to work with ths muscular pain in my foot, the tension in my back, my RSD docs and someone to look over me. But, what I don’t have is someone to heal my soul, or spirit. I’ve thought a lot about those angels in your life, real or perceived, who guide you to your soul. But, the reality is that it’s me, and me alone, who is looking out for my soul. I’ve come to realize that in order to heal your soul, or honor your self, it to speak the truth. But, there are people around you who don’t want to hear it. Speaking the truth can cause pain to others. But, it’s like the whisper that can no longer be silenced. The truth is what heals the soul. I have been trying to honor mine.

In the meantime, I’d like to go take a walk in the woods. May be my oasis will be found.