Posts tagged ‘energy’

June 12, 2011

Faking it

by Living with RSD: what comes next?


I feel great. After 3 cups of coffee and a tramadol. I’m ready to exercise. I know that I will feel my endorphin high later. I also know that I’ll pay for it later.

So, the question of the day is this, is it better to fake it and take some pills to have some extra energy to exercise, or should I not take the pills and maintain my low level of energy? I don’t know. Yesterday, I had a great day. I also took a tramadol and higher doses of Lyrica. Oh, also a two hour nap. I woke up very tired and groggy today. Nothing that another tramadol can’t take care of. But, this is how the addiction starts and is exactly what I didn’t want. Medication to get through the day. But, all of my days lately are just me faking it. Faking the smile, faking the confidence and faking the happiness. It’s like I’ve left the party in someone else’s coat. Everything feels all wrong combined with that big after celebration let down. And now I’m left with what comes next. Feeling uncomfortable, awkward and unfamiliar with my own self.

Next, I get to go play the part of someone in shape, who loves to exercise, only I can’t really do what I used to. May be no one will notice what goes on behind the smile.

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June 7, 2011

The price of things these days..

by Living with RSD: what comes next?

I’m at the point in my life to follow what I love..what does this means to me?

There is a price and cost associated with and to everything these days. Financially, how can I not focus on the actual costs of things? With gas averaging $4 per gallon, prices of groceries skyrocketing, I can’t help but focus on my bottom line. It’s like getting pay cut. The benefit to all of this is that it forces me to really examine how I choose to spent my “assets” and why. I constantly challenge myself with questions, including what will this add, do I really need it, is it a want and can I get it cheaper. Answering these questions help me to determine the right decisions. I am clear and confident about what I choose.

I’ve been trying to use these same questions to apply them to my health and body budget. For example, I’ve received the medical clearance that I wanted to go back to exercising. I used to work out a lot. I used to train for 10 mile races a few times year. I used to go to Zumba several times per week. All of those things were my outlet. They are clearly something that I value and want, and need, in my life. It is a clear want. I might also argue that I need exercise in my life. However, energy is limited. Therefore, I need to determine what is my real need and what the consequences of that exercise might be. For example, I have just finished my Zumba class for the third day in a row. I can already tell that will have a significant impact in my energy levels. I was hoping that it would assist me in getting to the next level of fitness. But, I can see it’s going to have a negative impact on what I am able to do these next few days. So, while I did enjoy my Zumba, it didn’t add anything to my recovery. A better choice might be to focus on strength training. My emotional bank has been fairly high the past few days. But, my physical budget is low. My foot is numb. I believe that my same injury to the break and ligament tears are aggravated. So, I made a bad choice with my assets. For the next few days, I need to recoup what I’ve lost. Tomorrow, I’ll try yoga or something else more low key.

June 1, 2011

Body budgeting with an early wake up call

by Living with RSD: what comes next?

I’m up again at crack-o-dawn, as my old co-worker would say. To top things off, I have a function this evening that will have me coming home at 10 tonight. I can hardly remember the last time that I was out. I was a good girl and didn’t grab my Lulu Guinness wedges to wear tonight because I know that I should be wearing flats, even though I really hate my flats. They need some attention. But, chances are that my balance continues to be off. It’s hard to get dressed for cocktail hour when you have a two inch scar on the back of your neck, but I think that I have succeeded in matching comfort with style. But, it’s a new thing for me.

As for my body budget, I’m running on a no budget day. I did do rehab last night with my hands, so my arm is cramping up. It’s also a day with a heat advisory, so I also know that the weather will be slowing down. This means that I should take it easy today. Easier said than done! I haven’t learned that skill yet, but I am trying. So, for now, my plans are to move slowly and may be even take a nap at work if the 14 hour day proves to be too long. We’ll see how that goes.

All in all, I have a plan. The more in control I feel of my choices for my body, the more control of my RSD I’d like to think that I am. I would like to control my body to sleep, but that appears to allude me for now. I wish that my finances were this in control. My prescription went from $40 for a three month supply to $120. Wow! I wish that I had that kind of increase in my pay. The cost of this disability is brutal. I spend $100s a month on doctors visit and $100s more on my 4 prescriptions. And they tell me not to be stressed. I make too much money to qualify for assistance, but not enough to not feel that pain. I do place funds in my FSA for medical costs, but that is still money that could have been in my pocket. Yikes! As for the money for my prescription, I would much rather but the money into some cute black flats because mine are old and worn out. Like me!

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