Archive for ‘Exercise’

July 31, 2011

The upside to things

by Living with RSD: what comes next?

I saw my physiatrist on Friday. The good news is that I’m almost officially no longer a fall risk. Still stuck in the tennis shoes, but they are working. The sort of bad news is that I have two more months of therapy. The upside to that is that they are finally going to work on my back and getting me more comfortable. I can live with that.

My kids were really upset when our cat of nearly 15 years passed away. His body finally had enough with a tumor that was infecting his blood stream. He stunk. The upside to that is that my daughter was finally able to get her bunny. She’s adorable and the dogs have really taken to her. I can also live with that.

Regrets are a funny thing. We offer them when we are unable to attend a party. But we also despair over them when we are unable to change the events of the past. The same word can be used to describe two distinct things with such different levity.

I have many things in my life that I wish that I could change, but I’m not sure that I have any regrets. I live with the full knowledge that life unfolds as it should. That thought offers a lot of comfort to me when I can only see the downside to things.

July 19, 2011

Hairline fractures, dislocated kneecap and groin pull…oh my

by Living with RSD: what comes next?

4 months into physical therapy. My second round. I have a third round coming to work on my back.

Every time I go to therapy, I have a new pain. This is likely due to my time spent with the Zumba mafia, but I feel closer to Humpty Dumpty. After finally getting my ankle back into alignment after 10 months, my ankle bone continues to hurt. Last week, the physical therapist assistant decided that this must be due to my kneecap. I was supposed to get surgery some time ago for my slippery kneecap, but opted out. She taped up the kneecap and sent me on my way.

A few falls and a few visits to the gym later, I also have nasty groin pull to go with that. It doesn’t stop me from my exercise, but probably should. Today, at the physical therapists, I showed her m pain and she decided that I must have also had a hairline fracture on my ankle when I broke m foot several months ago. She taped it up and said that this is what is throwing off my knee and groin pull. All compensatory.

So, I am beginning to feel like I was better off before I went to see them. I don’t know if it’s better or worse to know all of the complications. They don’t have enough tape for all of may aches and pains. How far up would they have to go?

In the meantime, got to rest up. I have a Zumbathon this weekend.

June 12, 2011

Faking it

by Living with RSD: what comes next?


I feel great. After 3 cups of coffee and a tramadol. I’m ready to exercise. I know that I will feel my endorphin high later. I also know that I’ll pay for it later.

So, the question of the day is this, is it better to fake it and take some pills to have some extra energy to exercise, or should I not take the pills and maintain my low level of energy? I don’t know. Yesterday, I had a great day. I also took a tramadol and higher doses of Lyrica. Oh, also a two hour nap. I woke up very tired and groggy today. Nothing that another tramadol can’t take care of. But, this is how the addiction starts and is exactly what I didn’t want. Medication to get through the day. But, all of my days lately are just me faking it. Faking the smile, faking the confidence and faking the happiness. It’s like I’ve left the party in someone else’s coat. Everything feels all wrong combined with that big after celebration let down. And now I’m left with what comes next. Feeling uncomfortable, awkward and unfamiliar with my own self.

Next, I get to go play the part of someone in shape, who loves to exercise, only I can’t really do what I used to. May be no one will notice what goes on behind the smile.

May 14, 2011

Connecting with others

by Living with RSD: what comes next?

One of my therapists, Leta, gave me the name and number of client who also has a neurostimulator implanted. She was looking to connect with others who have implants. This was the first time that I have spoken to another implanted patient. Her implant is for a facial nerve. The leads are on her upper lip and above her brow. They connect behind her left ear with the wire connecting to the battery above her breast bone. She is having some troubles adjusting to the implant. She is four weeks after the surgery. We shared our stories and journeys that have lead to these decisions. I spoke to her for about 45 minutes. While I spoke to her, I felt good. I was finally doing something to acknowledge and accept what has happened to me. It felt a little less that something bad happened to me, but rather I was doing something about the bad thing that happened. I felt very positive.
After I got off of the phone, I cried for hours. It was a level of acceptance that I haven’t felt yet. I have spent the last few years in and out of doctors, but I haven’t really heard what they were trying to tell me. It’s been a long journey medically, but I haven’t started the journey to heal my soul. May be this is the first step.

May 11, 2011

First day back at the gym

by Living with RSD: what comes next?

So, I survived my first day back at the gym, Zumba. It was nice to see the girls, but something sad about my limitations. I didn’t know the routines and felt frustrated by what I couldn’t do. I realized that it wasn’t apparent to everyone else that I was struggling. That was almost worse. It is a double-edged sword. On the one hand, I don’t want people to know that I have a disorder, on the other hand, it’s hard to be judged when people don’t know your limitations. I kept telling myself that it’s in my head. People don’t come to the gym to judge me. I’m having a hard time letting go of running, but I guess that is for another day. For today, I need to celebrate surviving my first day back at the gym.