An oasis

by Living with RSD: what comes next?

I just finished dropping off my 9 year old at camp. It is a camp set back, in the woods, where they walk through the woods, feed the animals, and get inspiration to do art. Paints, watercolors, clay, paper mâché….it doesn’t matter. They go where the inspiration takes them. It’s her oasis. I couldn’t have invented a better camp for her.

So, this got me to thinking about my oasis. How would I describe the perfect place for me? And has this perfect place changed over the years…I wish that I had the answers. I think that I know what my oasis is not. It’s not a place with chaos. There is order and reason around me. Things make sense to me. I don’t have to guess what people mean or what they are doing. I am not around people who are harming me, either intentionally or non-intentionally. I am not tired. There is a wealth of energy and freedom to do what I want.

It’s not surprising to me that my vision is defined by emotions and emotional support and not things. I can’t define the things, but only the emotions that I feel. In the past, I’ve had many pains and many service providers. Even now, I see a team of specialists to work with ths muscular pain in my foot, the tension in my back, my RSD docs and someone to look over me. But, what I don’t have is someone to heal my soul, or spirit. I’ve thought a lot about those angels in your life, real or perceived, who guide you to your soul. But, the reality is that it’s me, and me alone, who is looking out for my soul. I’ve come to realize that in order to heal your soul, or honor your self, it to speak the truth. But, there are people around you who don’t want to hear it. Speaking the truth can cause pain to others. But, it’s like the whisper that can no longer be silenced. The truth is what heals the soul. I have been trying to honor mine.

In the meantime, I’d like to go take a walk in the woods. May be my oasis will be found.

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