The case against Google

by Living with RSD: what comes next?

I love Google. I spend most of my work day, and life, using it to find the right answers, but, to be completely honest with you, the last few days have been pretty tough on me. You see, I made the mistake of googling my medical prognosis and options. I didn’t like the list of choices presented to me. I’ve been trying to stay positive, but it’s just emotionally draining to stay that way.

You see, my foot has not been healing properly. I broke my foot and sprained my ankle 10 months ago. It has not healed, after 3 months of staying off of and physical therapy. I had a CT scan, with and without contrast, yesterday. It made me feel utterly exhausted. I don’t know if it was a reaction to the contrast, or if it was going NPO while on meds, but I couldn’t keep my eyes open. I even left work a little early, which is a big deal to me since I am limited on leave. It may be not being able to read the results and then having to wait for the interpretation. Even though I should know better, I googled what the results could mean for me. I’m not sure that I am happy with any of the choices.
1) My best case scenario is that my ankle just needs more time to heal. I start another round of PT on friday, which brings my new total up to 5 months, to work on my proprioception and desensitization to get the RSD under control.
2) A slighty more aggressive approach would be to boot and/or cast my foot. If the ligaments are loose and just need more time isolated, this might give it the opportunity to restrengthen it. This would also put me out of the exercise classes that I love so much. But, would trigger a worse RSD response in my foot.
3) My final option is a surgical repair for my foot. This would also involve 1-2 because it would add more PT and might result in the boot. Also, a very nasty RSD response. I’ve read that this might also involve another injection.

I was looking for more freedom in medical decision making and more liberation to start the rest of my life, but it feels like that control is being taking away. My choices are all ones that I don’t want, but doing nothing is not a realistic option. You see, I keep falling. One of these falls resulted in a repair of my original spinal neurostimulator. I’d like to say that it wasn’t because of the fall, but I just don’t know. Why I know is that I am moving farther away from the cute shoes and closer to the flats and hightops that I’ve been trying to avoid.

All this right before I leave for Disneyworld. I wanted the kids to have a trip where they would see that nothing has changed, but it all has. I can’t ride the rides with them. I don’t have the energy to walk them around all day. Now, I might need a boot to be able to do that. I know it might be the right thing to do, but I’m not happy with it. If I were to consider this under the guise of my body budget, I would say this puts me at a lower level for today. I really wanted to be higher. And I really wanted to get back in my “big girl shoes”. I suppose that I shouldn’t feel down about decisions yet to be made, but easier said than done. May be tomorrow…may be instead of googling medical decisions, I need to start googling some cute shoes. Chanel has some great flats. Target is closer to my budget.

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