Memorial Day in memorium of ourselves

by Living with RSD: what comes next?

Both of my grandfathers fought in WWII. I’ve always loved Memorial Day,not just for the great parties, but for the red, white and blue. It is the mark of the beginning of summertime and a new season starts. I did have big plans for this weekend. I thought that it would mark the end of my rehab and the beginning of brighter days. My doctor’s appointment on Friday reminded me of this. Not only did my programmer remind me that I should be pitied, he didn’t finish uploading my new programs. My neurostimulator for my arms is malfunctioning, again.
I suppose that I should be used to these curve balls, but I still don’t see myself as having any differences than anyone else. But, I know the world sees it differently.
I spent the past two days trying to get ahold of my device representative. You see, he is away on vacation. I know that he works hard and I certainly don’t begrudge anyone of their time off, but it does sting a little. I can’t go on weekend holidays because I don’t have the energy for it. I tried to take my daughter to the pool yesterday, but I could stand being in the sun. My medications make it difficult. I don’t want to complain, but sometimes I feel like I live in memorial of my old self. I don’t feel different, but my body tells me that I am.
So, today my body budget is pretty limited. I am going to try to go to the gym. The cardio workout gets oxygen to my hands, which gives me a few hours of relief. I have to wait until Tuesday to get reprogrammed until my rep gets back from vacation. I am hoping that with a workout I can get some deposits into my body budget that will let me celebrate the day with the kids. They understand that my energy is limited, but it’s hard on them. My daughter wanted me to play cards with her last night, but I couldn’t hold them. She understands. They always do.
Memorial Day is a great time to reflect on our family members who have passed and celebrate them. May be today is also more than just barbeques and picnics. Today shoud be a day to celebrate the things in the past that we need to let go. It’s also a day to remember our relationships, not only with each other but with ourselves, and to celebrate the new ones. May be it’s time to stop mourning who we aren’t and to focus celebrating who we are.
Happy Memorial Day!

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