Don’t pity me

by Living with RSD: what comes next?

Please don’t pity me. I went to the doctor’s yesterday. The appointment didn’t go as well as I would have liked. I thought that I could be done with doctors for some time. No such luck. I need a CT scan for my foot, a trip to the physiatrist and even more rehab. My back is in spasm, my CRPS is still not being managed well and my ankle and foot that was broken 9 months ago is not healing. I’m not happy with any of these things, but please don’t look at me with pity. In addition to the doctor, I saw my device rep for reprogramming. Gone are days of quick appointments. I was in the doctors for 90 minutes, but please don’t pity me. I watched the man who programmed me. He was very kind and helpful, but he looked at me with pity. He saw me as an individual with RSD. Not an individual. I fight to remember who I am through all of this. I want to be a role model for my kids. I want them to see me and forget that I’m not normal. I don’t want them to know all of the things that I can’t do. My life is hard enough. So, please don’t pity me. I can’t get dressed up because it hurts. I’ve had to cut my hair, put all of my cute shoes in the closet, give up running, buy a new car. I can’t cook a nice meal. But, please don’t pity me.
And here’s why. I know that I have RSD. I fight it every second of every day. I don’t need to see it in your face. I struggle with my loss. I know that it’s not fair. I know that my prognosis is not good, but I don’t need to see that in your face. Don’t pity me. If you pity me, I realize that it’s a lost cause. When you pity me, I don’t feel like myself. I feel like I am just an individual with RSD. But, I am so much more. So…please don’t look at me with pity. Look at me as someone on my team. Look at me like you’re going to make things better, even if you can’t. Look at me like there is something worth fighting for and that I’m not at the end of my rope, the end of my treatment. Look at me with compassion not with pity.

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